Friday, January 2, 2015

Just another step

Well I guess I should confess, I don't live in Orlando anymore. I completed my internship early. Packed up my car on December 15th and drove to Germantown, KY on the 18th. Luckily, this is a great time to go across country with gas prices being so low. I was "home" for Christmas and was able to enjoy one of the first Christmas' in a long time with every single person in my family. All my aunts, uncles and cousins were present - a big deal for a family that tends to spread out all over the world. As happy as I am to have not been the only person not present for the annual Christmas Vacation Christmas Eve watch party, I drove to KY with a heavy heart. Saying goodbye to my 8-months of post-grad independence and new adventures was incredibly hard. There are even still some days, less than a month later, that I wonder if I made the right decision. I would not have continued to work for Disney after December regardless. Now I am in the same boat as I was the month leading up to graduation. Please though, refrain from letting me know how "exciting" this time in my life is or how I can do "literally whatever I want, wherever I want". While all of this is so true in theory, and some people (including myself) might picture themselves in my exact position, navigating the big world with setbacks and heartaches - it is not fun. Those setbacks and heartaches are the real deal.

Part of the decision to pack it up and go to KY is because I possibly have a job lead in Louisville. I have been talking to a company for about a month now and was finally able to interview with them in person on the 23rd. Logically, this seems like a good idea. From everything I have heard and researched, this is a good company with good people that would give me opportunities to pay off college loans, bills and even save. It's an awkward time to apply for jobs right now, though. Everyone is out of the office for the holidays. So I left the interview hopeful I will hear from them after the Holidays - in January.

After Christmas I decided instead of sitting around on a farm where I don't know anyone and have more time to sit around in a depressive blob on my bed, I realized it had been 8 months since I have been to my real hometown of Edmond, OK. Again, I am so thankful gas prices have been so low. I drove another 14 hours on the 27th and was greeted that night by two of my best friends. When I first got here I was thankful that it was just for a visit and imagined this place as being a place where I happily come and visit every so often. I've been here for almost a week now, and the more I stay here the more I am considering not leaving. It is just so nice to be in a place that I know so well and really do like it here. I love the community I have here. I don't know anyone in Louisville. But should I stay in a place that is so incredibly comfortable for just that reason. I am a little bit haunted by everyone constantly reminding me that I am young and this is such an exciting time in my life because I can do whatever I want. What the crap do I want??? Do I want a new adventure that I could take at this time in my life? Or do I want to be in a place I know I love? The best part about Florida was that I met some GREAT people and I know I met life long friends there just like I have life long friends in OK. So I feel that given some time in Louisville (or wherever I end up) I could do the same - and I love meeting new people, in fact that is one of my favorite activities.

Anyways, now that you know my state of mind I'll share an epiphany I had about an hour ago thanks to keeping a journal - I'll keep it short don't worry. So I was reading through my journal, and I came across something I wrote right before I moved to Disney. I was really scared and doubting my decision but I just wrote, "Why not take this adventure? I am young and there is no better time." I proceeded to write about how it seems like everyone else in OK is not leaving and doing the same thing (Not that this is bad), but I will be a different person and learn new things in a new place. Maybe I didn't get a career in Disney like I had thought I would, but I need to stop looking at this as a failure. I took a step into a new experience that not many people did. Now I am just taking another step. Maybe I should stop looking at it as a step backward and just look at it as another step forward, no matter where this step leads - or doesn't lead for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I say all this now, but I know I will have a moment, maybe even later tonight or tomorrow, when I say "that's stupid - I am a failure and I know it," but that is not true. I need to change my framing of this situation into the true frame - just another step forward.

I'll end this with a desperate plea: if you know of any jobs - PLEASE let me know!! :) I am making it a goal to apply for 3-5 jobs a day. Anything you think I would be good at, just send it my way please and thank you!

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